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| My only true memory of you holds in the shop of Gelare in Suntec. & even they've renovated for so long (a year or so?) Maybe it's time I let go, maybe it's time I drop your title, you prolly don't deserve it anyway. I don't really know what got me thinking again, but it's kinda screwing me up. Maybe I'm tired, which I am.
Have you expected me to turned out so super screwed up? Probably not, who actually screws herself up like that - or have you decided not to care when you stop coming to find me. I haven't seen you since I was five, or six? Maybe it's time I grow up and leave you behind. All my curiosity and all the queries, you hardly worth it anyway I'm sure. I'm much more matured now, you coming back and fighting for my surname - that's just a fantasy I know. I've thought about it, I don't really mean to keep your surname, I just wanted something mine and different. I realised I don't even want any surname to say the truth, no one deserves it. I say alot of things I don't mean to, like how I call him Daddy, when I never mean to. How I have to say "daddy eat, mummy eat" before every meal - and I don't mean to. I've grown up now, but the memory of you promising to spend my fifth/sixth birthday will always be etched in my brain. But you've decided for yourself you're gonna let me up, maybe it's time I step out of this shadow.
B told me every family has it's story, but I've been thinking, why can't it be a happy story. Like J's, or J's, or I's. (no matter the ups & downs) You've taught me never to trust in the male race, and I've grown to believe I don't need a boy. You've let us down, you've let me down.
If it was rly that easy to let all these pass by, don't you think? Like how Gelare can just renovate and look so different. Soon, my memory will renovate too, do you still comb your hair nicely? I'm no longer talking coherently but it doesn't rly matter already.
Lately I've learnt that things happen for a reason, like how I'm in 0809 which I rly dislike but I've got I and I'm in Delta. Like how I never wanted swimming but it ended me up in water polo. Maybe without you, she'd never have grown so strong - maybe we'd never have been where we are. Or maybe I'd be less screwed up - or more. I no longer know what to think, & could you tell me, was it your fault, or her's? If you had a chance to live it again, will I exist? Did yall had a chance?
I lost out alot during my childhood days, and I never knew how to be v well-mannered. I wasn't taught to call "Auntie" or "Uncle" and sometimes I still forget now. I don't know how to react when people tell me things, or give me things, & I don't know how to thank elders properly. I feel embarrassed when I encounter with my friends' parents, do you know? Today I'm not rly in the mood. I'm not going to study, not going to do anything. I'm going to do things I like, and go to school unprepared cause that's the way I am. Today I indirectly shut Gareth up and indirectly said that I hate that dumb Korean song, I was glad he stopped singing it. Today I couldn't face her properly & talk but it wasn't my fault to start with. Today I can't really look at you & laugh along. Today I couldn't stand her being irrationally annoyed at us so I just continued doing my own business. Today I can't beat the highscore (which I prolly will never be able to). Today I know I have to be a million times more accepting of life, and just take things as they are, but I can't. I'm not that brave. Today I'm going to rly sin & eat that v sinful chocolate icecream and no one's gonna stop me. Today I'm breaking my happy posts and posting this here on xanga I don't understand myself either. Papa, is this your fault? 
Or is it just mine? Love,
Shawn Chung | | |
| Goshhhhhhhh orientation has been such a blast zomg. I love it just so much & I don't think I'd be used to getting back to class & all :( I'm rly quite upset now that I'm home & settled. 7 days, it's over. Orientation X - the one thing we all hyped up so much for, ganchiong over for, worried over for & all. OG 16 has really been the bestest ever I love them so so very much :) & this year's really been great. I'm soooo happy :) & those that disappeared/wandered off, well, your loss :) & if any of yall are reading this, I just wanna tell yall how proud I rly am of yall. I can tell how much effort yall put in & all, & I'm so damn happy. Although we didn't get in for OG performance, we know we're awesome, right! The chickies for making a stupid chicken dance so damn cool! Sharmane for making the dance so damn cool too, with the couple dance & the simple stunt :) :) :) I especially love our ballet boys omg. Though they were so damn reluctant to start with, they still went ahead and danced so damn well I'm so happy :) & although yall always bully me omg yall are so damn cute anyway! Thanks for the box (yall should have just gotten blue for me to start with uhem.) & all the sweets AND THE NOTES hahaha they're really funny. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 
OG 16 OGLs omg yall are seriously the best team Ryan & I can have. Yall are really so damn awesome :) & Ryan, you're the best IC anyone can have :) I'm rly glad we're in the same team & you're my IC. Thanks for making everything alright when I panic & am I blur ganchiong girl :( Yayeeee love :) 
& FINALLY, HC CHEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zomg I really love HC I'm so damn glad I ran for it, so damn glad that I got in. We really rocked the stage today & we were so damn good :) I'm sorry for all the time I whined about hair/tanktop (but rly it's damn gay) & thanks for being such great support awww although we're different houses & all, we're all still such great friends anyway! ♥ 
(ahahh I hope there's photo of us today)
Orientation has been DABOMB all the tiredness, all the craziness, all worth it!!!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ (This year will be a crazy year) | | |
| Liverpool won 2-0! :) haha I didn't watch, guess I shouldn't watch hur. :) The movies were good tonight (Y) I like. Trng today was .. hot. We all played like we are dying, prolly cause we're so cui. :( + Christy is so damn strong & I'm so damn weak haha damnit. ah well. Three weeks away from water now, I'd be horrible.
Sometimes, I ask, am I doing the right thing?
Peck + Neritta are hilarious (Y) & Simpang Bedok was (Y) too. okay right now it's 243 am I sound totally incoherent I apologise. As if anyone reads anyway HAHA. Today was shopping with my parents for CNY. & man I bought this really gay clothes. I bet I'm only gonna wear it once 8-) but I bought this v nice polo + going with Clar to get berms next week zomg exciting much !!!! :) We needa catch up ahhaa. I rly should get a shirt/superman T-shirt too but whatev. Berms = piriority. Tomm's cheer + I rly need to do my damn work before I lag like shite & get into hot soup. Then it's crazy orientation week gosh I'm so damn excited :D I hope everyone will open up then & everything  Friday was team dinner Happy happy + juniors are mad I concluded.
But I have my reservations. Maybe I should just stop thinking sometimes haha. I'm learning pickup lines now ;) ;) ;) + Boyce Avenue's new song v nice + Don't Stop Believing is stuck in my head, thanks B >: ( OKAY THIS POST IS TOTALLY USELESS AND IRRELEVANT OMG LAME.
(I am told Red is my lucky colour this year & I should wear more red. (Y) I like Red.) 
MISS YOU GUYS :( | | |
| I'M SO DAMN EXCITED FOR ORIENTATION, ARE YOU? 
OG16 FTW, X.ON FTW :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) Wishing for the best :) | | |
| Remember when I said cutting my hair didn't help me get over something? It's slowly getting to me, I'm sure it ain't all about the hair but yes it contributed. Everyone's been asking me to leave it long again, and I reckon I will (unless Christy + Zhekang managed to get to me haha) but with my short hair, I've changed and now I'm someone I'm much more comfortable with. I became even more tom-boy-ish ever since I came to TJ I admit. But I'm so much happier with this. Managing to train without a cap, without the need to comb my damn hair, or desperately hunt for a rubber band in the morn when I'm late already. Able to run more freely (though my injury is a bitch) was the plusplus point.
Just wanted to say how much I love my hair despite my attempt to leave it long now. I've probably shaped my character too, don't you think? :) (I need to stop blogging about getting over) 
Nice hair day :)
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